Moving On: Light a Fire in Your Sexless Marriage
Are you tired of living in a sexless marriage, without any real intimacy? Do you find it hard to emotionally connect with your husband, because the physical passion is gone? How can you get the spark back into your relationship? For many married couples, sex becomes a more and more infrequent part of their relationship. If you’re not ready to settle for that being a permanent situation with you and our partner, take some advice from the experts and light a fire in your sexless marriage:
Do a reality check.
Why do you have a sexless marriage right now? You need to try to figure this out before you look at solutions. All marriages go through periods where sex is more infrequent. Is there a temporary problem or situation that is causing the fire to go out in yours? Too much pressure at work, the stresses of child-raising, financial concerns, the loss of a job-these are just a few reasons for temporary cooling off periods in a previously hot marriage. As these stressors decrease, normal relations will usually return. Other problems may be more difficult to bounce back from — physical illness, alcohol abuse, depression – to name a few. When a serious physical or emotional problem is causing difficulties in your marriage, you may want to seek professional help. Lack of sex is often more of a symptom of a problem in a marriage than a cause.
Get his attention.
Assuming that your marital slow-down is due to more minor stresses and distractions, what can you do at this point to get things back on track? First, get his attention. Sometimes the daily routines of a marriage, as well as the shifting priorities of children and jobs, can lead to a sexless marriage. You’ve got to pull yourselves out of the routine and re-prioritize your relationship. Family experts have found that when couples put the marriage first, the rest of their lives tend to do much better as well. To step out of the “same old same old,” plan some time away from home and children. Make it a real date, and hope to cap the evening off with a little romance. Keep things low-pressure. The last thing you want to do is create a sense of performance anxiety in your guy. Just go out and have fun – flirt and be a couple again. And nature will start to take its course. Plan regular “couple time” as part of your new routine.
Reduce the stress.
The single biggest sex-killer in a marriage can be stress. Too much stress can make it difficult for the man to even perform or for either of you to get much physical enjoyment out of trying. Learn to de-compress as a couple, so that stress doesn’t take all the passion out of your relationship. There are many ways you can de-stress yourselves: soak in a hot tub, take mini-vacations, give each other massages, exercise. Talking it out can also help — getting concerns out in the open can take away some of their power. A sexless marriage can bounce back when stress is down and everyone’s blood pressure is back to normal.
If your marriage is basically sound, it can survive the occasional dry spells. But don’t settle for a sexless marriage when you know your relationship can be stronger if you re-ignite the passion. The strongest marriages have both emotional and physical intimacy, and they tend to go hand and hand. So get ready to re-light the fire in your sexless marriage and see the sparks fly!
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